A few years ago I started hearing really strange things from a few male family friends who had made solid lives for themselves in the country. I don’t watch TV, but I was aware of the influence certain media personalities were having on men.

Currently, there’s a lot of focus on young men, as that is the demographic gaining influence with online streaming via extremism. While that’s a shame, the men I am referring to are not young and neither am I. We are Gen Xers, and I was incredibly shocked to hear strong men (who live in an area with no real diversity) be so angry as to claim the whole world was now against them.

Wow. I could only suppose this was coming from TV or online personalities and I tried to ask questions to learn more. In the end, it seemed there was now this idea of reverse racism where the white man was being “tread on” by the marginalized – in other words, people who are powerless, non-white and often poor, are somehow treading all over white men.

I’m white – and in both cases these men that I have known since I was 10 and 12 years old were somehow acting like victims, and it was very cringe. I stood there awestruck both times during these conversations, trying not to react.

I always rely on facts and statistics, so at the time I was aware that 9 out of the 10 top richest people in the world are white men. Do these guys know this?

I can only assume that these men are listening to those most responsible for this crisis – Tucker Carlson, who make no mistake, was a liberal that made fun of his audience until he became their idol, and Joe Rogan who capitalized on his already macho and extremist roots coming out of the UFC and the reality TV show Fear Factor. One had the most popular cable TV show and the other has enjoyed the most popular podcast. [Please feel free to fact check all of these statements using AI].

I’d seen some very ridiculous clips of Tucker Carlson, who I feel is very racist, saying minorities were “coming for your houses”. It was appalling to see that this guy had the most popular cable TV show at that time. More than the ridiculousness of fearing the poor and powerless, was that this guy was not my idea of a real man. The swooping hair, the extreme paranoia, the immaturity, the fact that the rich guys like him, in suits and ties who are educated, the media, are exactly who the macho men with their flags and tactical gear claim to hate.

Where I live, guys like their guns and they don’t wear makeup. Ironically, this is JD Vance’s district and the men around here don’t have educations from Yale, they don’t wear suits or heavy eyeliner, and they are not married to immigrants.

Why Do We Have A Crisis Of Masculinity?

When I first heard the term “masculinity crisis” it was actually after these men in my life had these confusing conversations with me, and it was after Carlson had been taken off television and moved to an online format. I researched using AI what exactly constituted this supposed crisis of masculinity – other than the obvious symptoms of influencers getting famous through extremism and often hatred; and effeminate, hateful men being considered the new macho. Much of it had been based on actual polls of male loneliness.

Much of what I found out also had to do with men not really feeling like they measure up and struggling to feel a sense of purpose in their lives. In an instant “Ah Ha” moment, things started clicking for me. Yes, men are seriously confused. Yes, their confusion has splintered the male culture into extremists who wield disproportionate influence, and hardworking men of every color and creed trying to sustain in a world that caters to the wealthy.

One of the major problems with the philosophy of blaming the poor for the failures of everyone who isn’t a millionaire is that the misdirected anger still leaves men feeling lonely and empty. Work out at the gym as much as you want, but at the end of the day, you can have much sex with hot women and make a lot of money while looking good doing it, and still feel completely lonely and empty. For so many – no matter what they have, it is never enough.

This confirmed to me something I knew when I was in my twenties hoping to find “the one” – humans are so psychologically unwell that it is not likely we are going to have healthy relationships. Many have regular relationships, and some of those marriages are healthy, but the majority are both healthy and unhealthy at times. It takes a lot of work and compromise to get through various forms of betrayal or misunderstandings. For some, yelling and slamming doors is their normal.

How Do Our Views Measure Up When It Comes To What Women Want?

I was always looking for someone like my grandfather, who was patient and kind. Yet, when I was younger I was more interested in the bad boy type. This is where watching some of the influencers of today – they are emanating that bad boy image admittedly because it gets them clicks and chicks. So in a sense, I can see where men think women may want a plastic man. Yet, I see that were I more selective in my younger years, perhaps I could’ve gotten married and had children with a man like my grandfather. As I got older, I was still looking for the right man, not the bad boy.

When I became aware of this masculinity crisis I started to really think about what I would’ve settled for in the few relationships where I felt that I was “in love”. My longest relationship with a man has been three years, and the person was very critical and could not bring himself to be supportive of me in any context. He was wearing me down and I was the breadwinner in the relationship, which made the lack of emotional support really obvious. The other love relationships were short lived because the men were Jekyll and Hyde types who used money to bait me. I’m glad I did not settle.

Yet, in the journey of actually really wanting a life partner, I’m past the point of being able to have kids and live in a society that devalues single women who are post menopausal, especially if they’ve not had children. I’ve given a big portion of my life to helping others to be in a position in society of being invisible and useless. My work in wellness has largely been to help other women, older and younger. I’m a healthcare professional, so I still have the ability to support myself – I’ve mostly settled on the idea that I’ll have to do so for the rest of my life.

When I listen to what some of the younger influencers in the so called “manosphere” think women want – it’s a mixed bag. A very mixed bag. I can relate to wanting a partner who would bring security and support into the relationship. I feel that is something that a lot of women want in a partner. Yet – many of these guys think women want to be submissive, that women don’t want to create or have their own businesses, that women don’t mind of their man goes out and has sex with many other women, and for some they even stated women should not be allowed to vote. Men are definitely confused.

The statistics show that young men are lonely, and young women are dating less and getting less involved in relationships with men. Gender fluidity is found to be threatening to the most masculine of these young men, while their female peers don’t seem to care. In my generation, men are in more of a fixed position. They’re usually working and trying to make ends meet either for an intact family, or to contribute to child support and/or alimony in a broken family.

The Reason I Have Remained Single Tracks With Current Trends.

The guys in my age group who are single, are single for a reason.

First, the good ones are taken because most women will not leave a good man unless for some reason they fell out of love and/or in love with another person. A single man who has something of value to offer in a relationship will not be single for long unless he is extremely picky. I am extremely picky, making the likelihood of finding a good match even less. Second, men are very confused at this point in our history and I am very tired of this confusion.

We simply can’t really blame the younger generations for this crisis of identity in the United States. It’s not just a masculinity crisis – moreover – it is a crisis of morality and spirituality. So all genders are affected by this. It’s a crisis of economic justice, a crisis of humanity. It’s much bigger than just men feeling worthless and trying to make money off of it. I do blame my own generation and here’s why.

The Baby Boomers are already past the point of changing and they’ve really paved the way for the crisis of our identity as a whole. Yet, our generation came right up behind them and decided that we’d go along with it and not challenge the corporate takeover of our economy. Guys that own their own businesses feel attacked by local and federal governments and are at a serious disadvantage in a system that caters to money. Why do we go along with the people who are harming us?

This is the biggest question for the men in my generation who are the top influencers in the world right now. Four out of the top ten richest people in the entire world are Generation X men. Why not use your platforms and money to be heroes?

It’s completely obvious to me, an onlooker who will likely never be a millionaire, that what is keeping white men down is white men. The “don’t tread on me” people don’t seem to understand who exactly is treading on them and more so, they refuse to see that their heroes are the those that tread the most.

I am not surprised I’ve not found a life partner. I like this choice for myself, especially for the times we are in. I’m on my own but not lonely. My friends are my greatest asset, as they see worth and value in my creativity and wellness work. My best friend is a man, he is married, and he’s been like a brother to me.

If Men And Women Are Meant To Love One Another, Then Why Not Do That?

I did go through a phase of man-hating. It was after many failed relationships where I gave chances to men who weren’t honest, and in many cases who were verbally abusive. Gen X men, and the younger Boomers didn’t shed the patterns of the older generations, where men in their families passed down abuse as “normal”. In the culture of men in American society – certainly men still have not figured out how to treat women.

Yet, in this new era where misogyny is becoming popular, what is the solution here? Are men going to become isolated and asexual? What’s the solution if men want to suppress woman, which is going to turn women off? Women don’t want to be hated, and most of them want to have a voice in the home and in society.

Even as we are a generation of screens, starting with shows that depicted the nuclear family – what we saw on TV was not exemplified in our homes, and what we saw in the advertisements was not even close. Until the dawn of social media, decades later, and streaming, we were all comparing ourselves to actors and models. We all started to strive for the more superficial things in life – beauty and wealth.

Having a life like the rich and famous isn’t the normal in the small town that I’m from, and I saw at my 30-year class reunion that we weren’t a group of people who had largely attained that kind of status in life. Mostly – we were all average working class people who had successful marriages and families, or didn’t. There were plenty of divorces, second marriages, single moms, and a few surprises where beauty and wealth popped up in unexpected places. Nobody was flashy.

What started to become obvious to me after a decade of man hating was that it wasn’t getting me anywhere. Just as I came out of it, the influence of social media was at its peak and this “masculinity crisis” started to look more like a real thing.

Now, I’m left with a bit of both confusion and shame as I do still blame my generation for having the capacity to influence in a common sense way, bringing back the values of family and loyalty to right action. Bring back passion, respect and monogamy.

Bring back something that looks like a wise old sage actually teaching young men proper virtue. Teaching men strength through nurturing and nonviolence might seem boring – but I am sure guys like Joe Rogan, Rhett & Link, Theo Von, and especially Carlson, can hyper sensationalize it.

My generation needs to step it up. We are about to be the elders on Earth in just a few years time.

While we have any influence at all PLEASE! – to men who have a platform – WE NEED A HERO.

Please #MMMA Make Men Men Again.