My creative friend interviewed my Lebanese friend and asked, “What is the one thing about Americans that everyone else in the world can see that Americans do not see about themselves?”

To paraphrase, her answer was: That Americans feel like they can’t truly be themselves.

Americans feel like they have to wear masks. Most of us don’t say out loud what we are really thinking, and so many care a lot about what others think of them.

We pretend that we don’t see through one another’s masks and in many cases maybe we don’t. We don’t want to have to admit that we wear one too. There’s a lot of acting going on.

In a sense, it is like “saving face”. Meaning, let’s all pretend like we didn’t all just witness terrible behavior or someone telling us something we know to be completely inaccurate. Saving face is prevalent in many cultures across the world. It means: to maintain respect & avoid embarrassment.

What seems particular to our culture, especially when I consider the interpersonal relationships of my clients, who are often healing from grief and/or trauma, is this underlying urge to explain oneself. So many of us feel like we are doing something wrong, even when we’re looking for guidance or healing. So many feel like they are always doing something “wrong” even when they’re not.

Our culture isn’t one that promotes light hearted emotions and abundant happiness. And right now, we aren’t even aware that the rest of the world see us as unhappy. We can see it on social media, where we show the sides of ourselves that we want to show. We use the platforms to try to convince one another, and to show aspects of life from our own angles and within our customized frames.

Why do we need to be validated?

That question sat with me of a while before I was able to really sit down and write this blog post.

So many answers. So many reasons. And more questions.

• Why do people need to be right to the point where they ruin careers or relationships because of it?
• Why do people want others to agree with them so much so that they’ll be mad and scorn those that don’t?
• Why do we cut some people slack but not others?
• Why do we want a social identity?
• Why do we want to be famous and go viral?
• Why do try so hard to impress each other?

It gets overwhelming trying to think about why so many people don’t feel okay. In whatever form that takes – they may want a better body, to feel more energetic, to be wealthier, to have less stress, to find the perfect mate, to recover from past hurts – the list goes on and on. So many of us, at various ages, just don’t feel right.

What makes this more confusing is that so many of us don’t really know why we don’t feel energetic, positive, motivated and generally filled with joy. We don’t need to be able to answer the above questions and realistically, there’s nothing to figure out or to fix. We are human and we have basic needs.

We have a longing to be understood and nurtured.

As simple as that sounds, and as feminine as that sounds, it’s the conclusion that I came to when thinking about why life coaches, wellness coaches, therapists and guides are so busy right now when the economy is not great. I’m also seeing a trend toward healthier lifestyles and more natural approaches to health and wellness than ever before.

What I am understanding now is that people are finally starting to get back to seeking connection through interpersonal contact. Even if by video, conversations and energy exchanges between two or more people with the intention of spreading awareness or healing, is powerful.

I feel this is why “reels” and Tik Tok® videos are so popular – these are little bursts of shorter visual and energetic connections. People are really enjoying this. Facebook and Youtube are popular for Generation X and Boomers, even us older people are reaching out more and more for connection. People want to be heard.

People want to be heard, because they want to be understood. People need nurturing to thrive and grow, and this is where very idea of the American family stems from. It’s why a good marriage is so valuable and sought out, because we get to spend our lives with another person who understands us and will nurture us.

Technological advancements have communication changing drastically in short periods of time. Yet, some of the longstanding parts of American culture still remain. The overarching themes of American culture seem to be freedom, wealth, success, money, fame and power.

Our media has sensationalized everything to the point of making a normal life seem boring.

Sure it’s entertaining to watch action and adventure movies. We seem to have a penchant for being very entertained by true crime documentaries, cold case files, homicide investigations and serial killers. It’s hard to say why we are so attracted to violence and drama.

Most of our lives are not really all that interesting. This actually makes many people feel depressed and without purpose. One of the things that adds to our need to be validated and perhaps our need to prove ourselves, is the way we were raised. Let’s face it – American culture is a culture where competition is emphasized.

Whether it’s sports, show choir, the debate club or the science fair – we grow up in a school system that teaches us to compete and try for first place. We love the Olympics, and the world at large agrees. So we grow up thinking we have to be good at something. If we can’t win a medal or an award by the time we have graduated from high school, as young adults we are left feeling empty.

Then, we have parents that work and have pressures of their own. It’s not like our parents are getting awards and rewards every month at their job. Many of the adults in the workforce struggle to feel appreciated at their jobs and at home. In general, it can become a swirl of everyone in the family somehow feeling not good enough.

Before we know it, we wonder where our lives went. Easily, we can be left feeling like if we don’t accomplish something big by the time we are 50 years old, we’re doomed to being “ordinary” and possibly not interesting or relevant. In our culture, there seems to be almost nothing worse. We scream into the echo chambers of social media platforms trying to be relevant.

Authenticity is today’s cultural love language.

Our wisdom, since cultivated, brings us naturally to a place where we simply don’t care about the world’s reaction to our authenticity.

Eventually, if we are on a path to health and wellness, our own wisdom develops over time and with some dedication to staying focused on personal growth. When we start to feel good we begin to feel confident. Once we get momentum with this, we watch as we experience synchronicities that seem to easily get us to the next wonderful place in life.

As we learn to trust ourselves and go with the flow of our own life, staying authentic to our own visions of what we want for ourselves, we hit that point of empowerment. Once empowered, we are pretty much unstoppable.

I’ve watched so many people, friends and clients, acquaintances and coworkers, and myself included, set out on paths of growth where we exceeded our own expectations of what we could accomplish. Those of us who choose to invest in ourselves and stay dedicated to spending our time wisely and making healthy decisions, aren’t necessarily rich and famous. Our success may look very different from celebrities we adore.

At the same time, not every client or every colleague succeeds. Not every friend or peer that seemed like they were going to stay healthy or easily reach their goals attains what they set out to do. And we all experience failures, mistakes and losses in life.

One of the strengths of American culture is that we do promote the toughness of getting back up and trying again after any failed attempt. We at least know how to cheer one another on and we seem to appreciate resilience. As much as we can see things coming apart, we can also see many examples of people coming together.

We’re not currently in the friendliest of times, but even with social discord and confusion being a new and temporary normal for our country and world, every moment we are alive gives us the opportunity to understand that our wellbeing is within. When everything “out there” seems to be going crazy, the one thing we can surly depend on is that quiet place “in there”.

finding time for self care is trending.

Sneaking away from the noise to escape to self care is trending. This happens because there’s a greater need now to get a break from the hype becoming way too much hype to be good for us. Now, en mass, we’re starting to realize that we want to feel good and we have to try something, anything different, to get to a better place.

Turning off the devices for a while and getting out into nature for some fresh air and sunshine is imperative. Closing down the mind and taking moments for quiet rest and deep breathing will do wonders. Taking time to step away from home to go to the gym, or yoga, a walk, a hobby class, or to a show, is restorative.

It takes a long time for a whole culture to change. At present, we are seeing a roller coaster of the culture wars take us, as a nation, all over the place. We can barely keep up with which terms are acceptable as our simple lives get upended by loud egos and irrational arguments. If we make the choice to tune into this turbulence, certainly we will get sucked into its negativity and be affected by it.

The best that we can do to feel good about ourselves and live a life that feels light and abundant, is to go within and reflect on our own inner stillness, balance, focus, strength and peace. Learning to enjoy what our own inner awareness and energy has to offer us, makes it so we can be fulfilled and feel good about our own humanity.

Each one of us has this amazing, beautiful light within us that is shining beneath the layers of worry and responsibility. We can find the time to rest and reflect on the beauty within, the beauty in the world and what life does have to offer when we are not focusing on “out there”.

With time, patience, self awareness and eventually empowerment, we can come to a place where we do feel at peace and we feel very comfortable being authentic.

Thankfully, authenticity is getting quite popular now. So seize the moment, remove all masks, and have fun enjoying your world. Be unabashedly you! It’s true freedom.