I think it’s safe to say, most of us want personal growth for ourselves, so that we can learn from mistakes and make informed decisions that will bring success.
Success means different things to different people. In order to know what it means for you, you must understand what it is that you are really striving toward, what’s important or what you wish to experience, during your time on Earth.
We should expect to experience both good and bad. With that in mind, we can guide ourselves through all the moments that life presents in a way that helps us reach goals, live in good health, feel that we’re getting the most out of life, and feel mostly satisfied with our choices despite the discomforts that come with being human.
To identify what our personalized, custom-made vision is, we have to identify core values and needs. Basically, to identify your own values, it’s time to bring forth what is important to you in raw form. Raw form is when you’re only considering yourself.
What is important to you?
It’s a broad question, so to make it more digestible, let’s break it down into areas of life.
Categories to Consider:
- Physical Health & Wellbeing
- Lifestyle (living circumstances)
- Family
- Financial Outlook
- Mental & Emotional Wellbeing
- Love and Romance
- Relationships (friends, social, colleagues, partners)
- Hobbies, Travel and Recreation
You may wonder why I didn’t include Spiritual Health & Wellbeing. For this exercise, finding our own value system usually comes from the core of the soul and spirit that are in touch with the human parts of us. The soul and spirit are beautifully perfect, and we use the light from those deep aspects of ourselves to identify our value system for our human lives.
Again, when looking at the list, for each category, what’s the first thing that jumps to mind when you ask yourself, “When I think of my physical self what is most important to me?”
It might surprise you to notice the first answer that your mind gives you. What if you’re trying to lose weight and the first thing your mind blurts out is, “Food!”? That would not be a bad thing. It would tell you that one of your values is to be fed and enjoy food. It can also help you identify a fear – the fear of going without food and feeling starved when you are attempting a diet plan. You can use this first answer to expand on this value.
You can take the first answer, “food”, and see it as the value of nourishment for yourself. You want to have an eating plan that makes you feel nourished. Selfcare then becomes a part of your list for your physical health and wellbeing. You can identify how to feel good about what you eat, feel nourished, and feel full while losing weight because the foods you choose are nourishing and full of nutrients. That could lead to cutting out empty calories like sugar and processed foods.
Some of the areas on the list may not feel as important as others. You may feel as if you don’t need to identify values for your financial health if you’re already doing well in that area. However, when you ask yourself that question, “When I think of my financial life, what is really important to me?” You may learn something new about yourself and your value system.
Identifying what you value doesn’t necessarily mean you have to change anything in that area of your life. It means you know more about what you value about that area of your life and that can lead to some different decisions in other areas of life that make you feel good.
For example, let’s say you’re doing as well as you could be with your finances, and when you ask yourself what you value when you think about this the answer that jumps out first is, “my social life”. How does it relate? Your mind went to the fun times when you were out with friends and didn’t have to worry about picking up the tab. Everyone loved your generosity and that made you feel valued. Maybe it made you feel powerful. You’ve just identified something about yourself that you can use in other areas.
You may realize you haven’t had a fun vacation in a while, and you can afford it and might need a break from work. You may realize that when you take your family out for a great time, they appreciate it like your friends do and perhaps you’ll be inspired to plan a family night a few times a month. It might remind you of an old friend you’ve been meaning to contact and could inspire you to meet for a night out to reminisce about those fun times.
Some areas of your life might be a struggle. Let’s say you struggle with family relationships most and it’s been an area of your life you’ve not really wanted to engage in. Maybe the most important value when you think about your family is something like, “space”. Anything that comes up as a thought or feeling is valid. Even if it’s something that might not make sense at first, it’s still something that you can dig a little deeper to uncover deeper meanings and sometimes hidden needs. Needing space could be obvious and it can help you understand that you value boundaries. This could inspire you to learn about how to set healthy boundaries with family, and stick to them, so that you can get the space you need.
You may already have some values listed out for some of these categories. This method can help you expand and possibly add to your list. You can use this method and write down your answers, maybe journaling a little to expand on each and to identify other values. Then in another month you can repeat the exercise and compare your first thoughts from the month before. If something has changed, notice how what is important to you has changed.
As we grow and gain wisdom through our experiences, what we value can change. It’s important to allow space for that. A younger person might value physical attraction in a lover and may place importance on enjoying the same hobbies; then as an older person they may value financial stability and a similar spiritual outlook more than physical attraction and liking the same activities.
Because we are always changing and our priorities change as time unfolds, it’s important to come back to the place within us that helps us identify our values for a certain time in our life. We do this so that we can honor ourselves with how we spend our time, what we put our energy into, and what we no longer need to satisfy our priorities. We never stop growing, so we never stop returning to self to stay present with our own wellbeing.
Once we identify our values, we can then bring them forth into each area of our lives and enjoy living with a sense of fulfillment.
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